Aliyawanders

I’m currently struggling with my body image (again). It all started resurfacing just a day before my birthday this year. Honestly, I hate how I look now compared to three years ago. I’m 10kg heavier, with my BMI dangerously close to the “obese” range.  

This isn’t new for me. My struggles with body image go way back to when I was in primary school. It’s been a long, hard journey.  

I love food, I really do. I want to enjoy good meals without overthinking. But the guilt that follows? It’s crippling. I feel like I’m constantly stuck in this exhausting limbo, riding an emotional rollercoaster every time food is involved.  

I’ll have the best time with my girlfriends, laughing and enjoying great food together. But as soon as I’m alone, the battle begins. The urge to purge everything I’ve eaten is so overwhelming, it takes every ounce of strength to fight it. It’s a silent war, and it’s painful.  

This year, the worst birthday present I received wasn’t a tangible gift, it was someone’s words. Someone body-shamed me to the point that it broke something in me. I’ve since blocked them, but the damage was already done.  

This is a part of my journey that I’m not proud of, but I’m trying to find my way through it, one day at a time.

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