Aliyawanders

Growing up, ada sorang lady in my life ni yang selalu sangat cakap I bukan waris just because I’m a daughter instead of a son.

It started lepas we all pindah Penang, when I was around 9 or 10. Before that, we lived in Tanjung Karang dekat family belah my mom, and I memang manja dengan atuk nenek.

Hidup kampung je: belajar tampi beras, ada ayam, kambing, arnab — peaceful kampung life je.

But after we moved, tiba-tiba this lady dapat “access” to me on holidays.

Now, let me describe her.

Lembut… senyum selalu… muka manis… and she always came with gifts, bawa jalan-jalan and makan-makan.

So naturally, I got confused — macam mana someone who appears so nice boleh drop statements macam ni:

“You’re not a waris. Sebab you anak perempuan. Your father needs to get a son” Like I have say in it?

Every once in a while, she would remind me again. Sampai tahap I rasa macam I ni a mistake and a burden to my mom. Dah la the only child, and a daughter pulak tu. I genuinely thought, “Maybe I should’ve been a son so everyone would be happy. Maybe my mom’s life would’ve been easier, takde la kena pressure to produce a son for the family”

And she didn’t stop there.

She’d always say my parents kena try for another child — a boy.

Baru la, according to her, my dad “ada waris.”

Padahal basic science pun says gender comes from the father, bukan mother.

So apa sebenarnya dia percaya ni? Fahaman apa?

And why did her “rule” only apply to me and not her own daughter?

Aneh aneh betul.

But to be fair… give her credit for consistency.

The last time she said it was a month before my mom passed away in 2021.

Yes — I was already in my 40s, and she was still repeating the same script.

The story went like this.

She called to talk about COVID vaccination for my mom, who was undergoing chemotherapy. Mom didn’t want the vaccine, and I respected her wishes. I only told her, “Whatever it is, consult your medical team.”

Suddenly, mid-conversation, this lady tanya:

“So, bila nak tambah anak?”

I said, “Hmm… I don’t think so. I’m in my 40s dah.”

Then she replied,

“Oh come on Aliya, I had my youngest in my 40s. If I can do it, you can too.”

… huh??

Apa kaitan?

Because she did it, so I must follow? Apoooo.

Then, here it comes —

She said if I don’t have another baby and get a son, my dad won’t have a waris.

I reminded her…

“Err, I ada anak. And he’s a boy.”

Baru la dia,

“Ohhhh ye laaaa, you have Azfar. But he’s not your father’s waris… sebab you anak perempuan. Azfar waris papa dia.”

So I asked her,

“Then if I add more kids pun, you’ll still say semua bukan waris sebab I akan sentiasa jadi anak perempuan. It’s not like I can suddenly change gender, kan? I’m not a clownfish.”

Still, she went on, “Kesiannyaa ayah awak takde waris…”

And at that point I was done.

I told her, “Discuss this with my dad la. Why are you discussing this with me? What exactly do you expect me to do?”

I slowly excused myself and ended the call.

Thinking back…

Maybe I should’ve shown her my crazy.

Baru puas hati kan?

But truth be told, I still carry the pain and guilt of being born a daughter, as if I brought misery to my mom—even though I know it wasn’t my fault.

By the way, I stopped hearing her nonsense because… drumroll please—I blocked her after my mom passed away. Haha.